The Dentist (Office) is my Frenemy

I hate the dentist. Not that anyone really enjoys it, but I HATE IT. The appointment gives me anxiety. When I’m in the chair I count down every minute until it’s over and I keep my eyes screwed shut and my hands clasped tight throughout the cleaning. A cleaning! It’s not even like I’m freaking out over a filling or something worse.

I realized after my appointment yesterday that the dentist office is like a frenemy. I HATE THEM…. but it’s all pleasantries and niceties when we’re in each others presence. Except then they do HORRIBLE THINGS TO ME when I’m there but I can’t claim any wrongdoing, because it’s all part of the visit, right? RIGHT? Here’s some snippets from my frenemy dental experience.

No one is this goddamn happy at the dentist

At my appointment yesterday I was seen within minutes of my arrival and led into the examination room. The dental hygienist was lovely and complimented my bag. Things starting off on the right foot here! And then she had me lay down on the torture chair.

She drapes that bib thing around my neck, puts the sucky thing in my mouth and proceeds with the cleaning. Now, maybe I’m out of practice but last I checked just because the bib thing is around your neck doesn’t mean that water should be splashing all over the place! I shouldn’t have bothered with makeup that morning since the lower half of my face will be wiped clean by the splashback occurring here.

In the middle of the cleaning the dentist walks in and basically demands to do the examination now versus waiting for the cleaning to be over. So the hygienist stops, and as the dentist asks how I am I have to take the bib and wipe my face down before I can respond. Nevermind the spit and blood in my mouth.

Yes, blood. I have sensitive gums (probably because I don’t floss ever – sorry) and I tend to bleed during cleanings. But I have never seen as much blood come out of my mouth when I spit (sorry if thats TMI) than I did yesterday. I swear the hygienist was gouging at my teeth and gums with glee. I opened my eyes at one point, because they are screwed shut during pretty much the entire visit, and saw red shreds hanging off one end of the scrapey tool. PROBABLY PIECES OF MY MOUTH THAT SHE RIPPED OUT.

Oh and the dentist was in the room for all of five minutes. Nice seeing you too!

And for all this what do I get for my troubles and suffering? A mother effing toothbrush. Gee thanks! My toddler gets her teeth checked (barely) and gets to pick fun (crappy) toys from the treasure chest. I get a mouthful of blood and half my makeup wiped off and I get a friggen toothbrush. AFTER I ALREADY TOLD YOU I USE AN ELECTRIC ONE.

And the kicker is that our insurance allows for four cleanings a year! FOUR! #NoThankYou #ICancelHalfofThem




  1. Can you transfer the two you don’t use to me LOL I could use em ๐Ÿ˜‰ But in all seriousness I know how much you hate going so kudos for getting it done.

    • I was literally just thinking of that orthodontist appointment you were at with me when he was shaving down my front tooth and you were pressing on my sneaker “FOCUS ON THE PAIN IN YOUR FOOT! FOCUS ON THE PAIN IN YOUR FOOT!” lol

  2. I like cleanings, but I HATE HATE HATE dental molds with that goo that I swear is going to suffocate me. I gag and gag.
    Aubrey recently posted…Grand Canyon & FlagstaffMy Profile

  3. SAME. OMG SAME on all of this. I had one scheduled recently and I canceled it. I have issues because I never got my wisdom teeth out, and so I have some overcrowding now. When I was talking to the dentist about how to fix this, he’s all calm describing how we’ll do some cleanings first, then remove the wisdom teeth, and then braces. … If the braces are just cosmetic, then hell no. I can’t deal with that torture for however long it takes (years?!). Ugh. I hate the dentist.
    Erini recently posted…Sunday Lately #02/56My Profile

  4. I am one of the only people I know who ENJOYS the dentist. 1) I’ve never had any major dental issues. Other than braces for SEVEN years, I’ve never had a cavity in my 29 years of existence thankyouverymuch. I also have four baby teeth and never got wisdom teeth. 2) I’ve had the same dentist my entire life and she’s great. I actually frantically made an appointment the month before my wedding because I just HAD to get my teeth cleaned for whatever reason. I don’t know, I think it was the wedding stress, haha. But I go to the dentist religiously every six months and love it.

    • OMG you’re nuts!! I can’t deal. My dentist thought I wasn’t going to get wisdom teeth and then whooop there they were! And now I have nerve damage from one of them being removed. Hooray!


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