Pain in the Ass

I think I pulled a muscle in my left butt cheek.

I’ll give you all a moment to let that sink in.

It’s either from shoveling snow, or pushing my friend Adam’s car out of the snow. It hurts to sit. It hurts to walk. It hurts to cough. (Really – I don’t know how the two are related, but when I cough, it exacerbates the pain.)

Dave keeps trying to tell me that pain is good, it means new muscles are building, etc. I say EFF THAT NOISE, this shit hurts and I am not a fan.

In lieu of sitting on a rubber donut, I went out and bought some Bengay patches, hoping that would help the muscle. The box says it gives POWERFUL PAIN RELIEF, DEEP, PENETRATING HEAT, and it’s LONG LASTING, UP TO 8 HOURS,. Doesn’t that sound like something you want on your ass?

After carefully applying the patch to the cheek in our office bathroom, and slowly pulling my jeans back up to make sure I didn’t pull any corners up or off, I’m not sitting in my desk chair – leaning ever so slight to the right side of my body.  Why?

BECAUSE. MY. LEFT. BUTT. CHEEK. IS. ON. FIRE!

Guess they’re not lying about the POWERFUL PAIN RELIEF, and DEEP, PENETRATING HEAT.

Assholes. 

Comments

  1. Well, it's not every day you have a legit excuse asking your husband for a butt massage.

    Thanks for making me smile today. =)

  2. OH NO. Booty muscle pulls are the worst. You don't realize how much you rely on your sweet donka until all of the muscles in it are on fire ;). I have a great booty stretch for you though! Standing straight with your feet together, bend your knees slightly and poke out to the side whichever side of your booty hurts.(kind of look like you're booty bumping someone) Now bend at the waist in the opposite direction & feel the sweet stretch!

  3. Ha, I feel your pain. Literally! I regularly seem to pull a muscle in my RIGHT bum cheek and I have no idea what I'm doing to cause it. I wonder if one of my legs is longer than the other or something.

    Hope it feels better soon!

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