The need to say yes, push myself, and actually follow through…

I find that I’m overzealous when it comes to saying yes to things.  I get asked to go somewhere/do something, and I immediately say yes… only to back out at a later date, or worse, the day of.  I really don’t want to be labeled as a flaky person, but I fear that it’s definitely happening, if it hasn’t already.

There are a multitude of reasons I find myself flaking out with.  It’s usually because I’m too tired.  This happens a lot.  And really – I’m always exhausted.  Other times I just dread the idea of the hour long train ride I have to take in order to get home afterwards.  (Workdays and weekends both included – there’s only one train that goes to my house, and it’s local on the weekends, and local on weeknights after like, 8:45pm.  L-AME.)

Other times I flake out because of my own, ridiculous fears and thoughts.  I don’t go to things – don’t experience things – because I’m afraid to go at it alone.  Afraid I’ll be the odd person out, the one all by herself, the one who doesn’t fit in.  I know, I shouldn’t care!!  But I do.  These stupid fears caused me to not to see a ex-Project Runway designer’s show during Fashion Week, that I somehow got invited to.  (How?  No idea.)  But I didn’t go.  I RSVP’d yes, and then no-showed.  I did send an email to the organizer letting her know, but I still felt awful about it.  And why didn’t I go?  Yes, I had the excuse that work was busy, but my boss was ok with me leaving for a couple of hours.  I didn’t go because I was nervous and scared.  I didn’t want to be that random person walking around with all of these fashionistas, trying hard to rock my GAP blazer and chunky necklace – trying to fit in where I clearly didn’t belong.  The fear of feeling incredibly out of place is what wraps it’s grip around me and suffocates me until I can’t possibly imagine going anymore, and the idea of just heading home and sitting on my couch, watching TV becomes that much more appealing.

I know I need to break this.  I need to push out of my fears and stupid excuses and just DO these things that I agree to. I also need to start thinking about what I say yes to, and really consider the constraints, if any. Saying “No, thank you, but I can’t” is ok.  I have to learn that it’s ok, because I don’t want my friends and my peers to stop inviting me to things, because they assume I will flake out.  And if I’m already headed down that path, its only up to me to make sure I fix it.

That being said, I have a TON of Groupons and LivingSocial deals and other things that need to be taken advantage of.  The short list:

Rock Climbing at Chelsea Piers – if you remember, this was a gift to me, along with a Wii and Wii Fit from Nintendo and Brand About Town (HEART!)  I still haven’t used the gift certificate!  Hopefully we’ll make time ASAP, cause I want to knock this baby off my Life List!

Photography Class – I bought a LivingSocial Deal through Sundays in NY, for a 2 hour class out by Bethesda Fountain in Central Park.  I did another class through Groupon – that I almost didn’t go to because of aforementioned fears and anxiety – and it was merely ok.  (Same class where the instructor mistakenly called someone pregnant.)  Hoping this one will be much better, since we actually get to shoot during it, and I’ll hopefully schedule the class for the end of this month!

One Month of Unlimited Yoga Classes – Another LivingSocial Deal (and life list item), I purchased a month of unlimited classes at Yoga Sutra for $45. Pretty sweet, no? But then the questions begin – when do I start my month? Should I go with my mom at first, who is a certified instructor and can help me? Will I feel like a fool if I don’t remember any of the poses? Should I buy one of those little yoga mats to carry on my back like I’m cool?  AHHHH.

How do you bite the bullet, take the bull by the horns, or any other saying that you’d like to enter there, and  just DO stuff?  Why am I so amped to say yes, or sign myself up for all of these awesome things, only to back out when actually confronted with it happening?

Am I the only one who feels this way or does this?

Comments

  1. You are so not the only one who feels this way. I get like this ALL. The. Time. Maybe it's a Jewish thing? Ha! I keed.

    Point is that you recognize it and realize that it's okay to say no. I'm trying to do the same.

  2. You are definitely not alone in this. I'm not Jewish, lol, but I am terrible about this but trying to get better. I have to remind myself that often the anxiety that's built up is far worse than the experience could be. I realize that if I go somewhere alone, even if people do judge me, I shouldn't let it affect my experience because I am the only one losing out. Just remind yourself you're doing it for you.

  3. You aren't the only one who feels that way. I feel that way CONSTANTLY!!! Fear anxiety nervousness, its pretty much my life. I get those horrible feelings about getting dressed and putting on something new that I bought, and then throw it back in the closet tags and all and take out an old reliable outfit. nevermind about going out and trying something new, especially alone.

    I think Ali has the right idea, its okay to say no. its hard, but it takes practice. my mantra is one day at a time.

  4. I am totally this way too. I back out of things because I get so anxious and then after I back out I beat myself up for it for days. I am so proud of you for pushing through and doing some of these awesome things!!

  5. Jenny @ Practically Perfect... says

    I know what you mean. I would love to take a photography class and a cooking class, but its really hard because of my work schedule (7a – 7:30p, rotating day/night shifts). So, it seems like each time I find a class, its scheduled with at least half of the sessions during time that I'm working ๐Ÿ™ I think its great that you have so many things that you're interested in and want to try! Many people don't even have the desire to try something new.

  6. its like a zit on your face – it always seems like the size of a quarter to you but others probably don't even see it much less care about it. as my boyfriend always says, "its only awkward if you make it awkward" and i have a feeling you are perfectly capable of functioning in a social setting, even if you walk away going, omg did i really say/do that (which i do ALL the time hahaha) have fun!!!!

  7. I definitely feel this way, more often than not, and I also tend to flake out sometimes when I feel uncomfortable. I am trying, but somehow I feel like I am back in high school sometimes!

    I've been going to yoga off and on since March, and I still don't have my own mat. Most places have them that you can borrow, I think.

    I just bought a groupon for $20 worth of stationary for $10 from English Tea Paperie. I've bought from her before, and she deigns all of her own! It's really gorgeous. She's in Richmond, VA, but ships, of course!

  8. cailen ascher says

    you're definitely not alone. i find that sometimes things i commit to don't seem so appealing later on and want to (or do) back out.

    realizing you're doing it and wanting to change it is the first step : )

  9. Hey girl, you are absolutely not the only one who feels this way. I used to back out of doing stuff with old friends all the time, and now I'm in an even weirder place: in a new city where I don't know anyone and haven't aven ATTEMPTED to make friends yet because for some reason I'm intimidated by other girls and just overall feel waaay too content to just stay home and never experience anything! Lol! Ever since I started blogging, though, I feel the need to get out and DO things so I'll have stuff to write about and overall just be a more interestig person! Lol!

  10. i feel like i just read my own inner monologue!! you are not alone. im constantly committing to things before really thinking about whether or not i want to do it. then i find myself feeling guilty and praying for a cold so i can back out with a valid excuse. talk about twisted!!!

    dont beat yourself up over this!! recently, ive been telling everyone ill get back to them at the end of the night. regardless of whether i need time to think or not. this way i have a few hours to think about whether its something i really want to do. ive been much happier since i started doing this.

  11. I am the same way. Although when I do actually agree to going somewhere I my own I freak myself out constantly before it happens. It's never as bad as I make it out to be, but that's doesn't stop me from still completely freaking out the next time.

  12. I always flake out on things due to lack of energy. But I'm making it my mission to be more social, accept all invitations and actually GO OUT and expand my circle!

  13. Jessica (Bayjb) says

    Aww girl I know exactly how you feel. I hate being the odd person out standing alone in a corner but most times, that's all in my head. I have to just take a deep breath and go out there and most of the time, things are just fine ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. I feel like this constantly. I am trying to learn to say no more. Sometimes I pack my week with events and then back out. If I take them one at a time, it's easier.

  15. April Elizabeth says

    I dont say yes which is almost worse. I mean i dont flake… but then i dont get invited as much anymore either.

    its not that i dont want to go.. its just that my body wakes up at 5am whether i got to bed at 10 or 3…

  16. I have TERRIBLE anxiety about doing things outside of my comfort zone (which is super limited). So much so that I end up cancelling as well because I get so worked up about it. ๐Ÿ™ Sometimes I have to spend so much energy psyching myself up for something that I get wore out and cancel. I hate it. I just have to remind myself that I'll end up enjoying myself and after the initial awkwardness (or in my case the entire lead up anxiety) it'll be totally worth it.

  17. I totally feel ya here! I am just starting out by doing stuff little by little. Go to one thing one week so that I can prove to myself that I will be fine and not overwhelm myself with options. Good luck hon, and if we lived closer we would definitely go out together!

  18. I like doing stuff on my own sometimes. I don't have to be on anyone else's time but my own. That and uh I'm used to being a loner, haha.

    PS- Your recommendations of Chuck Klosterman? THANK. YOU. I started with Sex, Lies, and Coco Puffs, went on to Killing Yourself to Live, and now I'm on Fargo Rock city. I am loving his stuff.

  19. I completely get it. I am so the same way. I don't like to be in new situations without knowing completely what to expect and I definitely do not like to do things alone. I always think people are brave for going out on their own to participate in activities!

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