When it swallows you whole…

Anxiety.

Lately I’ve been feeling very anxious from work, and other work related things (like trying to get off my goddamn insurance!) I used to not be affected by it. (Anxiety, not insurance.) Or at least, if I was affected, I didn’t realize it. But now when something goes wrong at work, or if I think someone is going to be mad or upset with me about something, the anxiety takes hold and plants a firm grip on me. It basically feels like my chest is being held in a vice grip, and there’s no sign of release. The area around my heart feels so tight, I’m extremely uncomfortable and jumpy, and my appetite decreases immensely. Basically? It sucks.

I try to control it. I try taking deep breaths. I try pushing the thoughts that are making me anxious out of my mind. I try concentrating on other things. And it works, for a little bit, but then something will click and once again all of the bad feelings will come rushing right back at me, that feeling in my chest tightening once again.

I wish I knew why my anxiety has risen in the last few years. I mean, realistically, I know it stems from this job being more stressful than my last job. It also stems from past relationships I’ve had, one in particular, where I was blamed for everything, whether it was my fault or not. (And yes, even going back to this relationship almost 10 years ago, there are still a lot of leftover feelings that I can’t shake.)

For me personally, I don’t believe that medication is the answer. Perhaps if I had this feeling 24/7, then yes, I would consider that option. I also don’t feel like this stuff is worth talking to a professional about. At some point, I usually solve whatever is making me anxious, or the problem goes away on it’s own, or I go home to Dave and rant and cry about it for an hour or so, until I feel drained of everything. (And then I have a glass of wine too.)

I don’t really have a point in writing about this. I guess I just felt that this is my blog, and I can write about this if I want to. My blog doesn’t have to be all about recipes (even though I just made some good ones!) or funny things or stuff I’ve done recently. It can be about me feeling sad, or anxious, or just WHATEVER. There’s no need for sunshine and rainbows all the time. That’s not realistic. That’s not… me.

So… anxiety. That’s what I’m writing about.

Comments

  1. Effing anxiety. I struggle with it too.

  2. Anxiety does suck. I feel the same way you do about taking medication or seeing a professional about it. If its not 24/7 then its not worth it. I think you have a good handle on it, in acknowledging it and not letting eat you alive. Also the glass of wine is fantastic way of making any problem disappear. LOL.

    Be well and keep doing whatever your doing to help yourself feel better.

    Lots of love to you and if you need anything, even a glass of wine should you run out, I be here!!!

  3. I hear ya! Anxiety has been a part of my life for much of the last year or so and it sucks. But I'm pretty much in the same situation as you, and don't think meds are the answer. I may be ok with talking to someone if I had the money for it though! But I don't so meh. Doing heaps better for the last few weeks.

  4. I'm so glad you wrote this post, anxiety has definitely been present in my life lately. My anxiety also seems to have amplified in recent years (I guess it's closely related to these "grown-up" responsibilities.)One thing about anxiety is that it feels really solitary, so its a relief to be reminded that I'm not the "only one." Deep breaths and a glass of wine are the way to go in my book too!

  5. devilishdelish.com says

    Great post. I just wrote about anxiety on devilishdelish.com today actually. I suffer from severe anxiety that should be medicated. Not everyone's should. It is great that you are able to admit it and talk about it. That is such an important thing. One thing that would be an awesome idea (that im looking into) is finding somebody who works in natural health that can give me some ideas on natural (non medicine) ways to help my anxiety.
    stay strong! lots of love!

  6. Breathe Gently says

    There's no real solution for it either – what works for some doesn't work at all for others. It's great that you have a good support system to get you by – and I hope you get a bit of a break from it soon. xx

  7. Ms. Wedding Crasher says

    Anxiety can seriously affect your life. I struggle with it too. Maybe you should see a doctor?

  8. Classy Fab Sarah says

    Anxiety is eating me alive too. GO AWAY ANXIETY.

  9. There is nothing wrong with talking to someone about it. I've done it before, and for reasons you mentioned were right up my alley. Work? Check. Being unfairly blamed for everything? Check. Losing socks in the laundry? Check. Hopefully it gets better for you soon.

  10. verybadcat says

    Panic attacks come and go- the fact that you are not in a common state of panic doesn't mean that it isn't significant. How severe and how frequent the attacks are is what is more telling… I have panic disorder.

    Ten or so years ago, when I was first diagnosed, they put me on heavy meds. I don't take anything but the occasional ativan anymore, but I do still see a therapist.

    The presence of anxiety itself is nothing to treat, necessarily. If you feel like you have it under control, that's what the meds and therapy are for, to put you back in control. So you probably don't need either.

    Relaxation and breathing exercises can arrest a panic attack or at least lessen the intensity. I've had a lot of luck with both.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. rachel elizabeth says

    anxiety is something that i've struggled with most of my adult life and probably (without knowing) a lot of my childhood too. when i was 19 or so, i went to a psychiatrist, got put on meds and hated every second of it. i started going to therapy and learning ways to cope and it really helped. i decreased my meds significantly and now i'll only take something if i'm having a really rough day. most says though, it's nothing that a hug from my husband, a vent sesh and a glass of wine can't cure.

    love you.

  12. I have all of the cd's I got from my relaxation therapy program I was in. You are welcome to use them. They help, somewhat. I'm still crazy, but at least I can do things like get into a car.

  13. I suffer from pretty bad anxiety. There really isn't a solution, but it does help to talk about it. Or well it does for me anyway. Talking to someone totally helped me out and taught me ways to deal with anxiety.

    Even if it's not 24/7, if you don't really start to deal with it, it can and will get worse. You may want to look into seeing someone in the future. I don't really believe in medication either, but talking definitely helps.

  14. I tend to fall on the more anxiety ridden side of the spectrum so I can relate. It frustrates me because sometimes it's unnecessary anxiety but I just can't help it. Thankfully I have a very patient husband (as you do too!) who listens to me vent but also keeps my perspective in line. Hang in there!

  15. Dollface says

    We all struggle with it. I think sometimes it gets the better of us. I think that we have to remember to breathe. Always take a day or even a half of a day to yourself to breathe and reboot. xxxoo

  16. ugh to anxiety. i never had it until a couple months ago and it's just blah all around. but way to get it out there and write about it, because like you said it's your blog and write what you want, woo.

  17. ive had a bit of a struggle w/anxiety over the years… if you ever want to talk about some techniques to decrease your anxiety level, you know how to reach me lady ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Classy in Philadelphia says

    I wrote about anxiety in the fall…I was really nervous about it, and I never ended up taking any action. It sort of faded away as school winded down. I definitely have those moments though. We all have them. I don't really know what advice to give you, but you know you're not alone ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I don't know if this will help you at all or if it even applies, but my birth control pill made me incredibly anxious. The longer I was on it the worse I was. After I went off of it, I noticed a HUGE difference.

    Just wanted to throw that out there on the off chance that it might help you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. Sometimes I jump up from sleep in the middle of the night worried that I forgot to do something. How do we stop?!

  21. Aw, dearest, anxiety totally blows. I'm right there with you — mind-numbing anxiety (mine is work related) that sits like a pit in your stomach. You might not think it's worth talking to a professional about, but I thought that too, until I started seeing someone. And she said that no anxiety that is so all-consuming, even when it's not 24/7, is not good for you. So think about seeing someone. Kay? And feel better.

  22. anxiety is the biggest bitch I know!
    i have seen a therapist on and off for three years and it did help me but when I am not in therapy I make myself sit with the anxiety. I dissect it and really look at it and then once I have given it some space it seems to go away.

  23. nicole antoinette says

    I think dead hooker road trips combat anxiety. Also, I miss you. Also, enormous hugs.

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