Reason 547 why I shouldn’t be allowed in team sports

Arielle knows that I have a loud mouth when it comes to sports. When she was in NY, she was right there with me, cursing and yelling at the ref, cheering our team on in indoor soccer/volleyball/kickball/etc. Now that she’s in Boston, it’s usually just me, yelling like a fool about some injustice caused.

But I figured out recently that I shouldn’t be allowed to play in team sports anymore. You see, most people get into fights or run their mouths about sports that count. Football, basketball, real soccer, etc. Oh no, not me. I run my mouth about the following.

and… Bowling.

Oh you read right. Bowling. Dave and I are on a bowling league, and we had a game this past Tuesday where I could NOT believe how serious the other team was! First of all, we’re in a division labeled the “Extremely Casual Division” so I don’t want to hear it about how bowling is a serious sport. When you’re in THIS division, it’s not. Anyway, the night started off on the wrong foot when I committed a serious offense and spilled Dave’s beer. (Side note – any sport that lets you drink while playing CANNOT be taken seriously.) Well, the beer spilled on the other team’s side a little bit (not on the lane, but a space in front of it where people can sit, etc.) As I’m ON THE FLOOR CLEANING IT UP, this stupid bitch lovely girl is RANTING to her teammate about how the floor is going to be slippery and they’re going to step in it, and OMG it might affect their game! That’s when, as sweet as pie, I looked up at her and said, “Oh sorry, it was an ACCIDENT, stuff happens.” No one said I wasn’t nice.

Well bitchface lovely girl was a PLEASURE (please note the sarcasm) during the whole game. She took it WAY too seriously, and did not crack a smile the entire time! Now I don’t know about you, but when I get a strike, or a spare, or hell, when I make contact with a pin, I do a victory dance up and down the lane. Nothing from her. And her teammates weren’t much better. Screaming in guttural voices when they got a good score, just pretending like they were in the world series of bowling or something. (And they weren’t – playoffs start next week haha.) It got so bad that at one point I said to my friend, “Well if I was ugly like that girl I’d take bowling seriously too.”

It was kind of loud.

And I’m kind of an a-hole.

But that’s me! I can’t shut my mouth when it comes to sports and a team who I think are d-bags!!! Granted they beat us, and we’re playing them AGAIN next week in playoffs, but my team had way more fun. I mean, who else has a teammate that can do a one-handed cartwheel with a bowling ball in the other hand? (And P.S. She’s my boss – LOVE!)

If you thought that was the end of my trash talking for this week, oh you were wrong! Yesterday we had dodgeball, and we played one of those super human teams that can do no wrong. (Again, SO in the wrong division. I hate that our organizer doesn’t make them go into a different one, but I digress.) Well this team was also being a d-bag, so my mouth was on FIRE. There was one point when I was on the sidelines watching our team play, and a beast girl on the other team dropped the ball while trying to catch another one. When we called her out on it, she denied it!! And an argument ensued for like 2 minutes. Granted the argument was only between me, the ref and her, but still. And then she kept ranting about it when the call was in HER favor, so I yelled at her to “SHUT UP!” across the court.

It was kind of inappropriate.

Dave has informed me that due to my inability to keep my mouth shut during sporting activities, he makes sure that he sizes up whoever I am yelling at/their teammates to make sure he can “handle the situation if needed.”

Now that’s love. Handling your fiance’s trash talking potty mouth even when you know she’s a tiny, 5’3 fool.


  1. All sports require running of the mouth! Just because it isn't football or soccer or what have you doesn't mean you can't get feisty. I am honestly surprised that neither one of us has ever gotten in a fist fight. I hope when I return to NY Dave will be willing to back me up too when we start shit with the other team. Ahaha.

  2. I am sooo not a sports girl!!! I give you tons of props though for trying it out.. go you!! I think the only sport I am good at is cards… ummm wait, thats not a sport!! xxxooo

  3. ohhayitskk says

    oh my gosh. i do this too during beer league softball. i'm all like, "SHE'S JUST JEALOUS CAUSE SHE'S NOT AS PRETTY AS I AM AND I BET SHE WASN'T EVEN POPULAR IN HIGH SCHOOL!"

    mature, i know. whatever.

  4. Amber (Girl with the red hair) says

    HAHAHA – that's so cute that Dave sizes up the people you are yelling at. Clearly he accepts your aggressive-ness! HAHA

  5. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I used to get so obnoxious at my sister's high school soccer games my mom refused to sit next to me anymore. One time when a girl on the other team was all over one of the girls on my sister's team (and the ref of course wasn't calling anything), I yelled "Why don't we just get married?!" at the top of my lungs – right as it got silent on the field. Nice.

  6. Samantha Rose... says

    Yeah…that's around where I fit in with sportsmanship as well. Let's just say that I coached girls hockey at camp this summer and they learned what to do with a stick if someone was being a douche on the rink…

  7. Lisa-Marie says

    Hahaha, Lacey, if I ever visit New York, we should go bowling, and I'll teach you to trash talk in a Scottish accent!

    Sounds like they were bitches, and needed a talking to! Alos, who doesn't do victory dance?

  8. This is an amazing entry! My friend always gets nervous when we're on the public transit in Boston cause sometimes I say things too loud, or I voice my disgust of homeless guys saying raunchy things in cambridge, while they are still in earshot. but sometimes you just have to say whats on your mind. and seriously, you have to be ugly to take bowling that seriously. TRUTH!

  9. Future Mrs. H says

    Hahahahaha- I think we would be AWESOME if we played on a team together. Freshman year of college I practically got thrown out of our flag football game because I shoved some stupid skinny skeletor teaching assistant for elbowing me in the stomach with her pointy arm. This was also after she GROWLED at me while we were facing each other at the begining of a play.

  10. Not Afraid to Use It says

    Okay the ugly comment? Totally hilarious. And I really wish there was a photo of that cartwheel.

  11. I think it is so awesome that you bowl! So adorable!

  12. I can get pretty competitive too. I went to a few of my boy's kickball games earlier this year and had to STOP going because I'd get too riled up shouting, yelling, screaming when the other team was being d-bags.

    I also like to shout at baseball games esp when the other team is being a bad sport.

  13. LOL for some reason all I think about is the movie The Break Up and how they were so hardcore about their bowling team!

  14. There's an award for you on my blog if you're interested. 🙂

  15. That bitch was crazy. That is so awesome you are in a bowling league! I am just like you with sports too.

  16. Love the fact that Dave is sizing up who you are yelling at so he can "take care of the situation if needed" that is hysterical. Can't wait to see who he is sizing up tonight. Speaking of tonight, Don't know what kind of shape I'll be in, sunday's softball game kinda kicked my ass big time. there were only 5 of us. lol

  17. haha i love dave's response, that is indeed true love. but boo on lame people taking sports way too seriously, way to take the fun out of the game, sheesh. i say you keep talking trash and standing up to dbags!

  18. OK I have a sport for you. I was just reading about this in the paper. It's the wife-carrying contest. It requires a very lightweight wife, so you qualify, and the winner gets the wife's weight in beer plus gift cards, I think? And the reason I thought of you is because the winning couples names were Dave and Lacey.

    Here's the link:

  19. Jeff "convinced" me to join his softball team. This is the second time I've quit softball in the middle of the season after striking out 9/10 times at bat.


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