"He wants a glass of milk!"

My college friend Nicole always had the best stories. Things just happened to her family, like the time she put her name in a Bed Bath and Beyond drawing, won a car, and had a picture of her w/ the car put up in BB&B’s everywhere. I haven’t seen Nicole in a long time, but my friend Chase heard from her and passed along this gem. This is the best story you’ve EVER heard. Keep in mind that this story comes from Nicole’s sister’s roommate’s friend. Or something:

So Steve and Nick are friends, and Nick decides that he wants to try shrooms. Steve decides he doesn’t want to partake, since he’s done them already, so he lets Nick have fun on his own. Nick gets rolling, and soon decides he wants to go home. Steve isn’t ready to leave (wherever they are) yet, so he tells Nick ok, and off he goes.

Soon after Nick leaves, Steve gets a phone call from him:

Nick: Steve!
Steve: Yeah, Nick?
Nick: There’s a leprechaun following me!!
Steve: No, there’s no leprechaun following you Nick.
Nick: Are you sure? He’s right behind me?
Steve: Yeah, there’s nothing there, just keep walking home.

A few moments after, Steve gets another phone call from Nick:

Nick: Steve!
Steve: Yeah, Nick?
Nick: Steve the leprechaun wants to come inside! Should I let him inside?
Steve: No Nick, don’t let the leprechaun inside! There is no leprechaun.
Nick: I dunno, he really wants to come in.
Steve: Nick, don’t let the leprechaun inside.

Fast forward to a few more minutes later, and yet another phone call:

Nick: Hey Steve!
Steve: Yeah, Nick?
Nick: Steve, the leprechaun wants a glass of milk. Should I give him a glass of milk?
Steve (who at this point gives up): Yeah sure Nick, give him a glass of milk.
Nick: Ok.

Steve finally gets home, and asks Nick where the leprechaun is.

Nick: Oh, he’s in the closet.
Steve: The leprechaun is in the closet?
Nick: Yeah, I gave him a glass of milk and that’s where he wanted to go.

Steve warily goes over to the closet, opens it, and there is a MIDGET DRINKING A GLASS OF MILK IN THE CLOSET!!!

After they freak out, and Nick comes down from his high, they realize that the midget is mentally handicapped, and the next morning (I think) they take him down to the police station where they are rewarded $10,000 because the guy had been missing from his group home for a week!! And Nick was thankful that he was high on shrooms, because otherwise he never would have let the guy into his house.

Moral of the story: Always let leprechauns into your home. And give them a glass of milk.

*Some have claimed that they’ve heard this story before. That’s fine, I’m still telling it because I nearly peed myself when I heard it.


  1. Um.

    This was awesome.
    I'm sharing it with everyone I know.

  2. I thought this post was going to be about the Mouse I gave a cookie. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Holy Shitballs that was the funniest thing I've read in a while! I could see this happening to several of my friends back during our college days. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Joy @ BigTimeFancy says

    I don't want to be the bitch who rains on the but…

    I remember this one from junior year of college.

  5. This is funny, true or not.

  6. hahaha that is amazing. wow.

  7. Suburban Sweetheart says

    This story could actually not be ANY MORE AMAZING.

  8. Shoshanah says

    Even if the story isn't necessarily true, its still 100% funny

  9. bwahhahaha! That was amazing! I'm with Julie, I'm telling everyone I know too.

  10. lacey that was amazing…seriously just wet my pants! i'm gonna use it as a conversation starter for the rest of the summer!!! love it!

  11. distractedspunk says

    That is amazing. Will try to remember to share. ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. ahhhh this story was awesome! It reminded me of "If you give a mouse a cookie"

  13. Kristine St Clair says

    LMAO. I am a new follower, and at first I thought this was the craziest thing I had ever heard. But, it was so funny I had to tell my hubby. He had tea coming out of his nose. LMAO thank you for making us laugh!

  14. notthelifeiordered says

    HAHA oh my god best story EVER!!!!!

  15. Haha!!! that is a far better stoned-on-shrooms story than mine.

    Which involved AB calling me at 5am, equalling about 1pm London time, while I was in the National Gallery of Modern Art (aka super artsy/quiet/snobby) repeatedly about 15 times, YELLING into the phone that I had to rescue Matty from the heli-pad because the zombie-people had got him….

    Yeah, there was no heli-pad, there were no zombie people, and what the HELL was I supposed to do about it from London anyway?
    It was pretty hilarious.

  16. Fine Life Folk says

    WTF, is that a true story? That's sooo cool. They should turn that into a video or something and broadcast it in YouTube. Hilarious!


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