Me vs the State of New Jersey

I have never hated the state of New Jersey more than I did yesterday.

I was supposed to be heading to Maris’ apartment for some awesome hanging out and cookie decorating for charity. Instead, I got lost in New Jersey for about an hour, and wound up sobbing on the phone to Dave because I am completely incoherent when it comes to directions.

Let’s rephrase that – I have NO sense of direction, whatsoever. Literally. Dave and I went apple picking and we were under one of the trees getting apples. I walked out from under the tree and started walking in the complete opposite direction of where we came from. I got lost under a freaking apple tree.

So on Sunday, I meandered my way into the city, and through the Lincoln Tunnel to head to the wasteland that is New Jersey. (No offense to all my NJ peeps, but I’m mad at your state right now.) Once I got off (he he), the signs telling you which way is what highway/road/JCT/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit are SO CONFUSING. So of course I get on the wrong road, and then proceed to flip out and call Dave somewhere off of the Jersey turnpike, when I was supposed to be on 495.

Why didn’t I call my lovely hostess Maris? Because I was in tears and wayyyy too embarassed. Which is stupid, but I suck at life so that’s my reasoning. And seriously? Direction signs in NJ suck. AND Google Maps FAILED me. “Take Exit for blah blah blah town”. WHERE IS THE FREAKIN EXIT #?????? I need a number dammit!!!

So after getting lost for some more insanse amounts of time that I wont get back in my life, I decided just to go home. I was so upset and just stressed out from trying to figure my way back home, and embarassed that I had to have Dave and his friend GPS me back to the right highway, that I just wanted to curl up on my couch, under my t-shirt blanket, and watch mindless tv.

Once I got home I texted Maris to let her know I wasn’t dead, but wasn’t going to make it. And now reading this she will know the real (stupid) reason that I didn’t make it yesterday. Although worse things could have happened!


  1. Jersey can definitely do that to a gal.

  2. Uncle Ebenezer says

    Just one more reason to never go to Jersey.

  3. lmao do you know how many of those phone calls i’ve received?!?! i LIVE here and i’ve had my moments too! lol jersey isn’t all that bad once you get used to it, but with all of the construction around the tunnels its SO easy to get thrown off. i’m sorry!! don’t hate, we are a great state! (and i just rhymed….lol)

  4. I seriously sympathize. I was also born without the “sense of direction” gene. Majorly frustrating. I don’t blame you for going home to chill out. That is such a stressful thing to go through. xo

  5. God I totally know what you mean. Me and my dad joke that we are probably the two people with the WORST sense of direction. Our family members will ask us which way we think the (insert destination here) is and then they will go the opposite.

  6. surviving myself says

    Poor NJ – no one to love it, aside from The Boss.

  7. OMG I totally feel for you. It is a running joke with hubs at how bad I am with directions. One time I got lost, using a Garmin. And, I don’t think people understand HOW frusterating it is, unless they have been through it. Gosh, that sucks.

  8. I, too, am wicked bad with directions.

    And when my dad was driving me back from South Carolina we got lost in NJ because the signs are so freaking confusing! So… you’re not the only one.

  9. this is why matt got me a gps, the same thing would have easily happened to me. it’s okay.

  10. The entire east coast is like a giant maze to me, especially after driving in the South and Midwest where everything is an easy to navigate grid. I commend you for even attempt to drive around the NY/NJ area!

  11. im a member of the “no sense of direction” club! we should make jackets.

  12. NJ is a wasteland? brilliantly said

  13. I was gonna yell and argue about this one. But then the girl decides to laugh at “getting off.” You are crazy lady.

    Love it though! 😉

  14. Jersey scares me and I’ve never even been there.

    On the other hand I generally am pretty good with directions etc. (ok I admit I’m a map nerd and love looking at maps -I think this contributes to my directional-awesomeness)

    I have however, got totally dressed up, made up, semi-drunk, and out the door only to decide I would really rather turn around and go home. It’s happened more than once. So you’re not the only one!

  15. ahhhh! im just glad it was nothing bad!! new jersey can be a confusing little f-er of a state.

    if you HAD called me i totally wouldnt have laughed at you, but i probably would have had no idea what to tell you or where to go because i, too, could get lost standing still.

    we missed you on sunday and we’ll have to reschedule soon, maybe after the holidays!


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